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Sheila Schuller Coleman is the firstborn child of Robert H. Schuller, the Founding Pastor of the Crystal Cathedral. Sheila has had a diverse career as a published author (curricula, children’s books, devotionals, and books on family), a public school teacher, and most recently as a private Christian school administrator for over 13 years. She is currently serving as the Director of Family Ministries at the Crystal Cathedral overseeing the Crystal Cathedral Pre-school, Academy, Middle School and High School, as well as the Children’s Ministries and Student Ministries of the Crystal Cathedral. As such, her life has been intertwined with families of all ages in multiple capacities. As a Christian leader she has mentored teachers, principals, preschool directors, youth pastors, and children’s pastors.

Sheila has an Ed. D. in Educational Leadership and Administration from the University of California, Irvine. Sheila and her husband, Jim, have been happily married for almost 30 years. They have four grown sons who are involved in their own careers and academic pursuits.

September 28, 2006

Stressed Out Mom of an Eleven Year Old

Dear Sheila, I just wanted to ask a few questions about my eleven year old daughter and discipline issues. I'm a single mom and my daughter likes to play with her cousin. The problem is that her cousin is being a negative influence on her. My problem is this is causing a family conflict because I have refused to let my daughter go anywhere with her cousin. Her cousin is on her Dad’s side and my refusal to let her spend time with this cousin makes me appear to be biased against my husband’s side of the family. The other problem is my daughter's dad has a drinking problem. My daughter tells me she poured out her dad's beer and made him think he drank it. She also covers for him if I ask if he was drinking. In addition, he spoils her and constantly wants to see her. While I have to work a lot and be the disciplinary figure. it." When she returns from his house she is rebellious and I wonder since he tells her she doesn't have to conform is this making her more rebellious? Would she benefit from less time with her dad? I would appreciate any help or input you have to help me on this. signed, Stressed Out Mom of an Eleven Year Old

Dear Stressed Out Mom of an Eleven Year Old,

First of all, let me applaud you for being a great mom! Second let me encourage you to stick to your guns! Someday your daughter will thank you for loving her enough to protect her. As far as friends are concerned (related or not) – it is always good to control her friends for as long as you can.

When I was her age I had two neighbor girls who were twins. One day as we were walking home from school they talked me into taking an ice cream sandwich. Fortunately my mother saw the guilt all over my face and I readily and tearfully confessed. Later that evening they came by the house. I was in the hall near the front door and I heard my father answer it and heard him say, “No, Sheila cannot play with you anymore. You are not a good influence on her.” I must tell you I did not feel angry at him, but relieved and protected.

Our kids need us to stand between them and things that can hurt them and for teenagers – that means negative influences.

I do not know the legal situation with regards to guardianship, but based on what you have said, I would definitely push the courts for more protection for your daughter. Also, I highly, highly recommend counseling for your daughter. Explain to her that if she had a sore throat you would take her to a doctor, and when kids have parents who are divorced – it is common practice to get them a check-up with a counselor.

I hope this helps. Keep in touch. My prayers are with you!

-- Sheila

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